THE CATCH 22 OF TEEN COACHING

“I know this would help them… but they already feel overwhelmed.”

This is a conversation I seem to be having with parents more and more lately. You can see your teenager struggling a bit. Maybe they’re anxious, flat, overwhelmed, shutting down, putting huge pressure on themselves or just seeming a bit lost in it all. Maybe school has become a battle. Maybe they’re still functioning outwardly but you can feel that internally things are feeling heavy.

And naturally you start thinking:"I really think coaching would help them." But then the minute you mention it…

“No way!”

“I’m already stressed.”

“I don’t want to talk to someone.”

“I’m fine.”

I really understand that reaction. Because the catch-22 of teen coaching is that the young people who could probably benefit from support are often already feeling so stretched that the idea of adding anything else feels too much.

I think this can be incredibly hard for parents because you’re stuck in this strange position of knowing support could genuinely help whilst also not wanting to push your child into something they’re resistant to.

It’s frustrating. And worrying. And actually really understandable from both sides.

Teenagers are carrying A LOT

I don’t think we can underestimate the pressure teenagers are under at the moment. There’s academic pressure, social pressure, online visibility, friendship dynamics, uncertainty about the future, comparison, constant stimulation, pressure to perform, pressure to know who they are…and many of them are just tired.

There’s also a very real strain on mental health services and charities right now. Waiting lists are long. Schools are stretched. School refusal is at an all-time high. More families are looking elsewhere for support because they simply don’t know where to turn next. I am hearing a lot of teenagers in sessions saying “what’s the point?” at the moment, revealing apathy, avoidance, procrastination, withdrawal or just feeling disconnected from themselves and their future.

Coaching can sound like “another thing to do”

When a teenager already feels under pressure, coaching can initially sound like:

• another commitment

• another expectation

• another adult asking questions

• another place where they might get things wrong

• another reminder that people think something is “wrong” with them

So sometimes the resistance isn’t actually about coaching itself. Sometimes it’s about capacity. Sometimes it’s fear of the unknown. Sometimes it’s simply: “I cannot cope with one more thing right now.”

Coaching and therapy are different

I think it can really help to explain this clearly because teenagers (and adults to be fair) often assume they are exactly the same thing.

Therapy can involve working more deeply with trauma, mental health conditions, emotional distress and past experiences. Therapists are clinically trained to support that work.

Coaching is different. Coaching is usually more forward-facing. It’s often about understanding yourself better in the present moment. Confidence. Pressure. Communication. Relationships. Self-trust. Emotional awareness. Figuring out how to navigate life as you.

Of course emotions come into coaching. (And they are very welcome). But coaching isn’t about diagnosing or analysing somebody.

A lot of the teens I work with actually relax once they realise they don’t have to come in with all the answers or explain themselves perfectly. Sometimes it’s the first place they’ve felt able to think out loud without immediately feeling corrected or panicked over. (If you'd like a teen-friendly handout on coaching vs therapy just let me know and I will send one over.)

A few gentler ways to introduce the idea of coaching

This is exactly why I offer discovery calls for free. Not because I expect somebody to sign up immediately but because meeting the actual human being behind “a coach” often changes things massively.

The discovery call gives parents a chance to ask questions but I also really encourage dedicated time for the teenager to chat with me too, even if it’s only briefly. Often the anxiety sits in the unknown and once they realise it’s just a conversation and not some intense interrogation, things tend to soften a bit. And equally, if it doesn’t feel right at that point, that’s okay too.

2. Try opening up coaching-style conversations yourself

Not in a “therapise your child” kind of way. Teenagers still need parents to be parents, but sometimes shifting from fixing to curiosity can really help.

Instead of: “What’s wrong?” or“You just need to…”

Try:“What feels hardest at the moment?”

“What happens when pressure builds?”

“What do you wish people understood better?”

“What helps you feel most like yourself?”

“What would make things feel 5% easier right now?”

And if they respond well to those conversations, you can gently explain: “This is actually quite similar to how coaching works.”

3. Let them have some ownership

This one matters A LOT.

Teenagers are trying to work out who they are whilst also wanting more autonomy and independence. If coaching feels forced upon them it can immediately feel unsafe or resistant.

Where possible, let them have some say in:

• whether they want support

• who they speak to

• what they want help with

• how often sessions happen

Sometimes a teen needs time between hearing about coaching and deciding they’re open to it.

That pause doesn’t necessarily mean “no”.

And finally…

If you’re a parent reading this whilst feeling worried, exhausted or unsure what to do next, I really do understand.

Most parents who contact me are not trying to change their child. They’re usually just trying to help them feel more like themselves again. Underneath the stress and pressure you can still see them in there somewhere and sometimes the first step is not diving straight into coaching. Sometimes the first step is simply creating enough safety around the conversation that support no longer feels like pressure too.

And perhaps also normalising the idea that support is not a sign that something has gone “wrong”. We all need support at different points in life. Adults do. Teenagers do. Coaches do. Teachers do. Parents definitely do.

Having somebody alongside you to think things through with, to help you understand yourself better or to feel a little less alone in things is not failure. It’s human.

I think that’s a really important message for young people to hear.

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